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A German shepherd went to a Western Union office,
took out a blank form and wrote, "Woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof..
woof.. woof.. woof.. woof." The clerk examined the paper and told
the dog, "There are only nine words here," he said. "You could send
another 'woof' for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that
would be silly."
According to the January issue of Smithsonian magazine,
a Beatrice, Nebraska, man left his pet bulldog in the car for a
few minutes at a gas station. When the man tried to get back in,
he found that the dog, perhaps peeved over some slight, had locked
all the doors.
In a two-day period in New York City recently, a homeless
man, a train maintenance worker, and a dog were killed on the subway
tracks. Ninety people telephoned the Transit Authority to express
concern about the dog, but only three called about the worker, and
no one about the homeless man.
A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed
pup for her birthday. An hour later, when wandered through the house,
he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen. "My
pup," she murmured sadly, "runneth over."
I turned on my lawn sprinkler as my dog was crossing
the yard. He thought it was the hydrant getting even with him.
A young boy and his mother were walking down the road.
She says to him, "Look Jim, that's a puddle of H2O." The boy replies,
"No mummy, that's a puddle of K9P!"
Some veterinarians are prescribing Prozac for dogs.
Animal rights activists are thrilled. Things have finally come full
circle. Finally, a drug for animals that has been tested on humans
first.
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked
in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
A talent scout is walking down the street and comes
across a man and his dog. The little dog is singing. He has a lovely
voice and the talent scout says, "Come to my office. I want to sign
you and this marvelous dog to a contract. This dog can make us both
rich." The man brings his little dog to the talent scouts office.
The little dog is just about to finish singing "La Donna E' Mobile"
(and sounding like Luciano Pavarotti), when a large dog runs into
the room and grabs him by the scruff of the neck. She runs away
with him in her mouth. The talent scout yells, "Stop her. She's
taking away our fortune!" The man replies, sadly, "It's no use.
That's his mother. She doesn't want him to be an entertainer. She
wants him to be a doctor."
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS?...
Pointer + Setter =
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier =
Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso =
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel =
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever =
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound =
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog =
Terribull, a dog prone to awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador =
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer =
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute =
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier =
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
SHORTIES
How do you catch a runaway dog?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!
What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A shampoodle!
What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?
Any kind of bloodhound!
What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
Wire haired terrier!!
What do you call a happy Lassie?
A jolly collie!
What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
A dingo-ling!
What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A bud hound!
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!
What is the dogs favourite city?
New Yorkie!
Who is the dogs favourite comedian?
Growlcho Marx!
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